you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize