lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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