At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
