1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
