It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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