i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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