he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize