I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
