I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
