I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
