I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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