I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
