we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
