i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
