Someone shit on the floor
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
