Michael Bay diarrhea
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
