your thong is hanging out like whoa
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
