He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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