After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
