Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
