One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
