Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
