I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
