he thought i was a dude.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
