Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just invented taco cereal.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
