dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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