Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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