take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
