Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This show inspires me to have sex in space
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize