remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
