wat bout pragnant strippers??
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
