Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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