...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
