i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
