I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
