im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
