It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
