Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
