barbara walters just said penis...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have peed in a lot of sinks
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
