Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
