What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
