I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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