Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
