no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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