You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
