i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
