I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
