I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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