I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
