you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
