got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
