her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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