Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
