I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
