i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
