Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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