i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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