I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
