I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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