I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
