Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
