My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
