Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Every concussion has its silver lining
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
