i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
