just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize