GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just found a bag of teeth...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
