Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
