Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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