She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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