God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
