Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ladies don't puke and tell
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
