if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
