But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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