suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
