dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
