I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
not ubering you a puppy
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